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Reflection on human flaws

June 30, 2010

How selfish must you be to insist on reaching out to someone, whom you purportedly love, when they have made it clear that they no longer want anything to do with you? How do you move past the loving and the longing for someone who no longer even cares for you?

I will admit that I am a selfish person. Also, I don’t think I ever really learned about closure by example, and thus have a major problem achieving it in my own life. I get hung up on things or people, and regardless of their wishes, I can’t seem to help but impose myself on them. I hate feeling like the story isn’t yet over, you know, but someone else closed the book and took it away. Okay, so I closed the book…but that doesn’t mean I’m done! Why throw away an amazing friendship because the romance didn’t turn out? I know it’s hard to see someone you love happily in the arms of someone else. And the experts say it’s healthy…but feeling like this is NOT healthy or helpful or anything good. I have so much good, no, wonderful in my life…but I’m not satisfied. I don’t get it.
I was looking at rings the other day at the jewelry store while a ring of mine was getting cleaned, and dreaming of a time when we could afford something more dazzling than the modest engagement ring I already have. Is that sick? Is that this hideous “bigger is better” cultural phenomenon at work? Why can’t I be satisfied with the man who loves me as I am, my sweet little boy, and the life I have?
Okay, the life I have just now does kind of suck. And I want something better. Living with Dan’s parents is not working out well at all. Getting away from Alaska didn’t clear my head like I thought and hoped it would.
And now I’m having crazy dreams about alternative lives…how my life could have been, or more kids very suddenly…it’s distressing. I don’t know what to do with myself. I try not to complain too much because I know Dan feels like crap for getting us into this mess. I know he’s super stressed about not being able to fix it right away. We are all feeling it, even Danny. Poor baby is only just starting to nurse and eat better. He’s still tugging on his hair in his sleep, though. It breaks my heart to see him so distressed, and I can’t help but want a better life for us.
In other news, do any of you readers have any experience in politely requesting that family refrains from tobacco and alcohol use at your child’s birthday party? We need to send out invitations soon and I’m wondering if a “please refrain from all alcohol or tobacco use while attending the party” is appropriate on the invitation. Yes, it is something that we have to specify – we attended an 11th birthday party last week where half the adults there were smoking, drinking, and dipping. Yuck.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Summer permalink
    June 30, 2010 6:22 am

    We put that request on our wedding invitations, and I have seen other people do the same, so I don’t think it would be too much of a stretch to also put it on a *child’s* birthday invitation! Although I may not word it that way (it sounds a little targeted and accusatory, like the subtext is “I know you are a chain smoking wino, but cut it out for a few hours”, hahaha), maybe something like “This birthday party is a non-smoking, non-alcoholic event”?

  2. Mom permalink
    June 30, 2010 6:44 am

    It is perfectly acceptable to put “no alcohol use” IF Annette and Dan agree, especially if the party is in the early evening. If they don’t agree, maybe you could compromise by having an adult area and a child area where the alcohol isn’t allowed. It would be acceptable to put “smoking in designated areas only, please.” and then provide an area away from the kids for those who must indulge, again with parental approval. Technically it is their house so their rules go. Chew is gross, but doesn’t have the same side effects on others that smoking does. You may have to give a little on this one. Just make sure spittoons are available and out of reach of the little ones. If they choose to use their paper drink cups, frequent busing may be in order. An outdoor party at a park, NOT POT LUCK, might make things a little easier. Neutral ground so to speak and you control what drinks are brought. There may even be a county ordinance forbidding drinking at the park. . .something to check out. You’ve got several weeks to come up with ideas. Until you and yours are in your own home, you will have to compromise some. It won’t kill Danny to be around second hand smoke for short, infrequent periods of time. I grew up with it for 18 years. It ain’t great, but it doesn’t have to be the death of Danny. Remember out story about kids eating dirt? The premise may have to apply for a little while. Good luck, Sweetheart. You are in my prayers.

  3. July 1, 2010 7:31 pm

    Thanks Summer. 🙂
    Mom, there aren’t really any parks here and Dan’s cousins ignore the county statutes regarding alcohol consumption in such areas, anyway. Annette is of the mind that it’s “your party for your child, your rules” and is one board with putting “*This is a dry, smokeless event” on the invitations.
    Regardless of where we are, our rules for our son trumps any house rules. Period. And secondhand smoke kills more people every day than smoking does – it’s a fact. Danny got sick after a ton of smoke got sucked into our bedroom thanks to Dan’s cousins the other night.

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